FUNNY STORIES ABOUT FUCKED UP SHIT

Most of these short stories are pretty fucked up, which is why I cleverly titled this page ‘Fucked Up Shit’… so I’d like to warn you, some of this fucked up shit is pretty fucked up.  So if you don’t wana keep reading the words fucked up shit cause it’s too fucked up, then kindly move on to Crazy Ass Relationships–actually those are pretty fucked up too.  How about my book?  Nah that’s even worse.  Fuck it, just read.

The LAPD Helicopters Chased My Uhaul

The LAPD Helicopters Chased My Uhaul

It was 7pm in early October. The sun had set a while ago. It may as well be midnight the sky was so dark, but that’s good. Dark was good. We were in all black. We rented a 14ft U-Haul, and that U-Haul was positioned in an alley next to a Mobile station. It was Tegan,...

Why I Never Married Lizzie Olsen

Why I Never Married Lizzie Olsen

I had one more chance. It was final scene day, the last day of school at Atlantic Acting Conservatory. It was a full house and the heat was on. Lizzie performed a scene from Stop Kiss. I performed Zoo Story and was still in my nerdy J-Crew sweater I wore for the...

One VERY Twisted Situation

One VERY Twisted Situation

Well when winter was coming and it was gettin cold. Lucy and I were done... I had to figure something out cause the girl I was living on the street with, her name was Flower, she got all strung out on heroin and started prostituting herself out all over the state and...

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