WELCOME TO CRAZY ASS RELATIONSHIPS

Here’r some stories about some crazy ass relationships that you may, or may not be able to relate to.  Some of the stories paint me as the biggest piece of shit in the world.  Others paint me as the hero.  But at the end of the day, they’re just some crazy ass fucked up relationships, most of them are from my book…  Anyway, enjoy the lunacy.

ADULT CONTENT PLEASE INVITE CHILDREN

KNOCK KNOCK, Who’s There?

My FIRST PODCAST... or audio blog post?  Anyway- Read it or Hear it! So I'm at this motel in this cracked out town called New Brunswick in Georgia, which is right over the river from Saint Simons Island, also in Georgia, and I got my two pups and I'm all alone while my ex girlfriend is at her dad's house across the river. He didn't want the dogs at his house so i stayed at a motel. I just realized this is possibly the only post that makes me out to be a gentleman. Okay so there's NO [...]

May 22nd, 2016|

Protected: SNEAK PEEK: Volume 2 – Smash A Brick In Your Face

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April 20th, 2016|

FLOWER’S STORY

PART 1 Once upon a time I was a homeless runaway sixteen-year-old kid and my boot-camp-boarding-school sweetheart was turning tricks on the streets of Providence. Her name was Flower, and this is her story, one of them. We'll start with the time she blew up a truck, by accident. It all started one day when my backpack was way too heavy.  It was full of thick books of poetry I had stolen from the Brown University Bookstore on Thayer Street in Providence Rhode Island, the street we were sleeping on when I was sixteen and she, seventeen. She looked at me after deciding to go [...]

December 19th, 2015|

3SUM

Okay here's a fun story about a threesome. I was 25, she was 18. It was the SKIT SKAT Awards SHOW... a comedy festival I had produced in NYC. This was the night of the awards show where we recognized all the great sketches.. but for me... it was a different night. I had cast all these girls to be on-air personalities and then hired a camera crew and told everyone to show up at the club in Times Square where we were hosting the awards. We even had a digital billboard on 42nd street... So yeah, the club was [...]

December 12th, 2015|

PROSTITUTE

FLOWER'S STORY, PART II THE MOST COVETED ESCORT IN RHODE ISLAND It had been weeks since I'd seen Flower. I was living with Lucy, the ivy-league chick that went to Brown University that thought I was turning nineteen when in fact I was turning seventeen-- that story is here--- so I was living a double life full of lies.  I couldn't even keep up with all of em. There was half my day that I spent at Brown University with Lucy going to college plays and frat parties, even attending class and eating in the school cafeteria with other Ivy [...]

November 5th, 2015|

I Fell In Love With A Stripper In Reno But Ended Up In Jail In El Paso

I was 25 years old and called up my friend Ryan and asked him if he knew how to use a camera. "A Camera?  Sure.  I guess.  Why?” "Okay.. We’re taking a month long trip to walk Ooli (my Doberman RIP) across the country.  It’ll be fucking hilarious.  You in?” "Dude.  I’m broke.” "No no, I’ll pay you.  All expenses covered.  Let’s leave today.” "In who’s car?” "Hmmm… I’ll go get one.  Meet me in Prospect Park in like two hours and be ready to go”. So I went to some rental car place over in NJ somewhere. [me talking to the rental car dude] “So… Unlimited miles, right?” [...]

November 4th, 2015|

Stay With Me Just ONE More Night

“Stay just one more night” Lucy, the Ivy-League girl I fell in love with that one night I was sitting on my Indian-print blanket asking strangers for money with my witty signs 'need money for beer pot and hookers', the girl I was tellin you about yesterday, would say to me every morning. So I did. I slept in her dorm-room one more night, night after night, and pretty soon I had gotten myself into a fairly bizarre relationship with a girl who knew nothing about me. A girl who thought I was 18 years old, but I was sixteen. [...]

October 19th, 2015|

She Shoved Her Finger In My Ass & Gave Me A Bloody Nose

So what brings you to New York? I wanna be a stripper. I look her up and down…  not really cut out for the gig… but I don’t wanna spoil her enthusiasm... Oh yeah? Yeah they have some open calls tomorrow so I’m gonna go. She looks around my small studio apartment. Can I sleep here tonight? Sleep here?  Ummm….  Absolutely. FASTFORWARD TO JAM! She shoves her finger in my ass. You like that? Uhhh…. [still thinking] She rides me harder, finger still in ass. Uhhh… I don’t know about that-- She jams it in further.  I hang on for [...]

October 6th, 2015|

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